Roses the size of my head at the "world famous" Town and Country Resort in San Diego. 

Super-cool flower on vines growing outside of San Diego airport 

Welcome to the 21st century, Joyella!

I am now the proud owner of a mobile phone....I purchased one to ease my anxieties about being so far away from my children during my San Diego trip. Since I can not seem to get a grasp on more than two months into the future, I purchased one of those pre-paid phones...where you have no committments, you just pay for your minutes in advance and then use them...no monthly bill. Being that this is my first mobile phone, isn't it appropos that it is a Virgin Mobile?

Sunny California

I am presently here in San Diego, California at the Navigators Women's Conference....
The weather is gorgeous today, and Tif and I have the afternoon to check out the cool sights. The conference has been a good change of pace for me, however, I miss my little cutie pies sooooo much!

Here is a rundown of the best things from the conference:
1. Delicious food
2. Chocolate desserts at Thursday dinner, Saturday lunch, and Saturday dinner (the other desserts were yummy too--but not chocolate)
3. Kick-boxing class
4. Ditching Plenary session #3 to see "Hitch" with Tif
5. Sunning by the pool
6. Taking the trolley to Little Italy for "Art Walk"
(anyone noticing these aren't directly related to the conference?)
7. Giving myself a mani and pedi-cure and not having it ruined by washing dishes or little children stepping on my toes
8. Babbie's concert
9. Sitting at the only table with the cute sound-tech man at it for the banquet was also a highlight...heehee (there was a 10-1000 ration of men to women)
10. Smelling the humongous roses growing in the gardens around the resort...some roses bigger than my head!

I opted for the Workshops titled: Deepening Intimacy with Christ, Identifying Root Obstacles to Spiritual Renewal and Planning a Personal Retreat. I found that for where I am in my life journey the first two workshops were too heavy...they should have been more accurately titled "Listening Prayer 101: You too can learn how to hear God's voice in seven simple steps" or "Digging into our deep inner pain and laying it on the table for strangers (and God) to see". Okay, I am being a little harsh, I am sure that several (possibly many) women found those workshops very enriching and helpful...I just wasn't one of them. "Planning a Personal Retreat" was a good choice for me, because it is something I have wanted to do for years now...ever since having children. I have a lot of big decisions in front of me and I need to make sure that I make them wisely with God's leading and not my own selfish desires at the forefront.

You spin me round....

I just happened upon my young daughter, whom I call Prettiness (in here), standing on the turntable of the stereo... I couldn't help but be reminded of this old favorite tune by Dead or Alive. If you know it, you will probably be humming it all day....hehe

...You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, round, round.....

joie de vivre

joie de vivre : keen enjoyment of life

This is my goal. I have it pasted on my latest journal cover, to remind me of what I am working towards. The very first question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism, "What is the chief end of man?" is answered, "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever." I think that in enjoying our God and Creator and trusting in His word we find this joie de vivre.

Taking time to breathe deeply the crisp Spring night air, tilting my head back to marvel at the wonderment of our cosmos helps me to enjoy God, and I suppose that in my enjoyment of Him I give Him glory as well.

Maritime

FIELD TRIP!!!!!!!
Finally, I actually made it to one of our homeschool field trips, and just barely. Still messed up by DST, my children awake at 8am instead of 7am, which makes leaving the house by 9:45 rather tricky. Maybe if I actually used an alarm clock this wouldn't be a problem, but it reminds me too much of my own school days of hitting snooze and sleeping in until the very last minute. At least this way, we can all wake up grumpy together....

We didn't actually make it out the door until closer to 10am and I needed to visit the ATM first. Knowing how parking is downtown, I was cutting it close. But we made it only 5 minutes late (don't ask me how) and then we waited a while before our tour started. It was great fun to go aboard the US Lightship Chesapeake, US Submarine Torsk, US Coast Guard Cutter Taney and visit the Seven Foot Knoll Lighthouse all part of the Baltimore Maritime Museum. The US Submarine Torsk was by far our favorite. The exterior is painted like a black shark baring its dagger like teeth in front, but I was impressed with how complicated the interior is with guages, levers, knobs, pipes and switches. I especially liked the shiny copper pipes and brass cranks. We were amazed that this 311 foot long vessel contained a crew of 80 men. I have no idea where they all fit. But I pity the sailor who was a lick over 5'5" and 150 lbs (which was probably most of them). The Taney and Chesapeake were much more spacious, K noticed that their beds looked more "comfy" too. I'm not sure how soundly I'd sleep suspended over a sub torpedo.

Spring has Sprung

So glad for the warmer, sunny weather this week. I've been able to wear the kids out in the great outdoors, and they are sleeping so soundly at night. (yay!) I'm having trouble adjusting my own internal clock to daylight savings time, however. I seem to have this problem every Spring since I have become a mother. Losing a precious hour throws me all out of whack as well as the bedtime routine, but I'm sure I'll get used to before it is time to change the clocks again. Why do we do this anyway?

The trees are starting to show the fuzzy yellow-green haze and pollen is beginning to accumulate on my car. It is the annual Cherry Blossom Festival in D.C. this weekend, and I may actually attend, that is still to be decided... but oh, those cherry trees are gorgeous this time of year.

Spring chicken

I ain't no spring chicken, but spending an afternoon with my aunts and great aunts sure makes me feel like one. No one believed that I had three children (thinking I look way too young), of course some of them are losing their sight and their minds. You know you're in the company of old people when you have the same conversation repeatedly with the same person. But I enjoyed it, they are dear ladies, and since I have no living grandparents, it's the closest I've got. I only see most of these women once a year, and it is pretty much the same each year, but it helps me to connect to my past, my heritage, my bloodlines. What a different world they grew up in! I wish I could remember more of their stories. Perhaps my mother, the writer, will document some of our family history before she begins to forget it too. I hope so.

I can't talk...

No, really I can't talk. My voice left me tonight. It has been fading all day, getting raspier and raspier, I just can't win with this virus! I couldn't even sing Adelweis to the Artist or Six little ducks to the Stuntman when I tucked them in. Oh, well. If you want to talk with me, better email instead.

Went on a "hot date" with the two most handsome guys I know. Okay, I took my sons to see Robots on Monday night, and we had a lovely time, fun movie, by the way. I think I enjoyed the humor more than they did, but it was great "eye-candy" and the soundtrack is excellent.

Rain, Rain, Go AWAY!

It's been raining for days and days, not constantly, but consistently it has been damp and cold. It is great sleeping, tea-drinking, and feeling blue weather. I think I am coming down with a cold. Sniff. Yuck. I wonder why it is that my mood seems to reflect the weather, perhaps this is so for most people? When I am stuck in-doors due to inclement weather, I want to sleep and "veg", and when it is sunny and bright outside I am motivated and energized. I really need to do some big-time Spring cleaning. The clutter is beginning to take over and I can no longer see the surfaces of my desk, microwave, dishwasher, dresser, and kitchen table. My closet needs an overhaul and I need to determine where and how to store the kids out-of-season clothes. The boys room has been in a constant state of disarray. I would love to have an indoor yard sale and get rid of some of their junky toys. There are heaping piles of laundry to wash, fold and put away. Ironically, if it were sunny, I would feel like tackling all of these tasks, but it is not. I did however, muster enough gumption to sift through L's baby clothes for my expectant sister-in-law while K and D played educational computer games. (I now have four pregnant sister-in-laws! I already have 13 nieces and nephews plus 4 (no multiples are expected) makes 17!) It pours down rain as I sit and type, and instead of getting dressed and getting to work, I am fighting the impulse to climb back into bed and get lost in slumber.

Good Friday and Tree

It seems weird to me that today, Good Friday and the birthday of my beloved friend whom I call "Tree" are today. Christ died on a tree, and today Tree was born. I would wish her a happy birthday, but I know it isn't so I will only say, "Tree, I love you, and I am sending my squeezes and will bring the markers and paper tomorrow."

More Spiders and shopping

There have been more gross, disgusting, humongo spiders in my house. Last night, I had the boys almost asleep and was about to go to bed myself (I've been quite run-down) when I spied a huge arachnid by my coffee table. I let out a stifled scream, because as I started to shriek, I remembered that the boys were practically asleeep. Well, they perked right up when they heard me, and wanted to see the nasty beast before I sucked him up into the amazing vaccuumous Oreck. ( I am so thankful for the long attatchements.) All the excitement rejuvenated me a little, but I still turned in earlier than usual.

Rumor has it that a Borders is coming to Timonium/Lutherville. I am quite excited by this prospect, as we don't have a decent bookstore north of Towson. I just paid homage to the great OLD NAVY which has just recently appeared in town too. Now I don't need to drive 20 minutes to get to there- it is almost walking distance (depends on the day and the shoes) from my home. There may even be another mega bookstore coming to the new shopping center in Hunt Valley as well as many other shopping opportunities. It will be one of those fake small-town-like malls, all outdoors, but it is a big improvement to the run-down has-been of a mall that was there before it. Ahh, suburbia, (cough, cough).

What I believe

No, I don't believe in the Easter Bunny, but had that Hip hop Easter B. sent to me by a friend and thought it was too cute to keep to myself. We, as a family, don't get much into the hype of the holidays, but I do like to do something a little different on the days that are significant in my faith. This week is Holy Week, and it is called such because it is the week leading up to (as we recognize it in the church calendar) the death and ressurection of Christ. At Bible study tonight, again my beliefs were challenged about Christ actually descending into Hell. I had to look it up, and I found that I, and not he who spoke otherwise was right, at least from a reformed point of view. This is what I believe in a nutshell:

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.

He descended into hell. [See Calvin]

The third day He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy *catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.

Amen.

The Easter Bunny Cometh

This was way too cute and funky to not pass on: www.grayace.com/dex/bunny.html check it out, and crank up the volume. Hoppy Easter!

Prettiness et moi 

moi again 

Evil Emperor bean-bag toss, all done in crayon mind you.

southern view from the "hill" 

north-easterly view from the "hill" 

rub-a-dub-dub 

The Artist 

misters roboto

chocolate kiss anyone? 

spaceboy (the Stuntman) 

anger drawing

Coming soon...

I just got some pictures put to disk...will try to post them real soon. (tonight?) Check back again. :)

Wu-name

"Expert Desparado" (married name), "Phantom Dreamer" (maiden name), or "Bitter Lover" (first name only) are my Wu-names, what's yours?

Sew tired

I was up late last night working on my mock-ups for the pattern making and development class I will be taking this weekend. I finished the third and final one around 11:30pm only to discover that I hadn't done the dishes, laundry or other tedious chores around the house. Stayed up until after midnight trying to catch up a little. What a week! I have much respect for all the single moms/dads out there who are forced into positions of full time work on top of their full time mothering/fathering. It is simply exausting.

Class starts early tomorrow morning, and I still need to gather up some supplies. Looks like a trip to the Office Depot and Jo-Ann's are in order today. I am excited to be nurturing this part of myself, to revive those dormant creative juices and get them flowing once again. I hope to complete the class with two (possibly three) well developed and perfect fitting patterns.

*Seasonal update* A huge, I mean ginormous, spider was in my kitchen yesterday, and a smaller but equally disgusting one in my bedroom the night before. Why now? The huge ones should all be dead, it is only 20 degrees outside. The eggs can't be hatching this soon, can they? Perhaps they sneeked out when I was in the attic last Saturday. Ooooh, it's just gross.

May the Force be with me...

...Frantically prepping for the party of six-year olds I am having tomorrow. The Artist turns six next week and he wished for a Star Wars party. I've been busy building an Evil Emperor bean bag toss, drawing Yoda (for pin the ear on Yoda), and making "moon rocks" for the moon rock hunt. Trusty Star Wars fanatic, Greg, will bring by some music and cool "decor" to go with the theme. Thanks Greg! I still need to bake the R2D2 cake and shop and clean. Oh dear, what am I doing sitting at the computer!? I need to go!

First Thursday, again!

SlideShow at the BMA was a real treat, at least to me. The boys liked some of it, mostly Projection 4, by Peter Fischli and David Weiss, the huge one of nature scenes that morphed slowly into different overlapped images of mushrooms, snails, ferns, rotten apples, etc. Actually I think my favorite was one I didn't check to see the artist or the title, as the boys were yanking my arms to keep moving through, "Come on mom, let's go," they kept saying as they tugged. Anyway, this one was the first one (I think) you see when you come into the exhibit. It is just slides with words that say things like "Muriel and Uncle Fred's cabin" or "This is us by the seashore" or that kind of thing, which is fun because the slides magically appear at suggestion in my imagination. I was giggling to myself as I read some of them. They were exactly the kinds of things people say when they are showing their own slides, which I found amusing. My other favorite was titled Real Estate, but I missed the artist for this one too, it was simply a room with slide projections of three windows with vertical blinds. The lighting and size of the room made it feel like the bedroom to a flat. I immediately began to "envision" the space as one does when looking at real estate. Ah, the power of suggestion. Another that the boys liked was Land/Sea by Jan Dibbets, portraying an image of the sea on one wall and a grassy field on the adjacent wall. As the slides progress, the horizon line moves downward until there is nothing but sky on both walls, and then the horizon line moves upward again. It shows a beautiful contrast between the texture of waves of ocean and waves of meadow.

After viewing this exhibit, we proceeded to look at some other parts of the museum that I often overlook. The furniture, Tiffany windows, silver and then over to the Modern Wing and (my favorite) the Cone Collection. The Cone Collection, as I have mentioned before feels very much like home to me. Matisse and I are old friends. I find his work comforting, inspiring and challenging all at once. At five-thirty we went to do the Family Fun craft, which was inspired by the SlideShow exhibit and there were many slides from the museum collection free for the taking. Oh, how I would have given a limb for some of these when I was teaching art, free exemplars were hard to come by. I snagged a few of the Matisse slides I liked and a Van Gogh I happened upon. I am hoping to copy some Matisse images on my bathroom walls, eventually.

It was fun to spend some "alone time" with the boys, they rarely get me all to themselves, but since we left L with Oma, they each got to hold one of my hands.

Weaned

Little Prettiness is now 16 months old and is totally weaned. She after only five days off the breast, outright rejected it when offered, so that job is now done. The Stuntman was much harder to wean, he had begun the nasty little habit of biting, so it was time, but he faught me for it. Each morning he would attempt to lift my shirt, and when I wouldn't let him, he would throw a fit...Prettiness, doesn't seem to miss it one bit, it makes it a little easier for me that way. I am now freer to leave for longer periods of time which allows me to travel to San Diego in April and possibly Japan in August! Just this past weekend I was able to go up to Philly again to see TT. I got to see the cool fabric printing studio where she works in Manayunk, aquire a brown suede coat (it was free!), window shop on Main Street and have the only hot chocolate that she will drink this side of the Atlantic. (Once you spend a year in Austria, you become a bit of a hot-chocolate snob.) It was delicious, made with real milk, real cocoa, and not much sugar. We thought the only thing that would make it better would be real whipped cream on top, but it was too good to complain about a little detail like that. The twenty-four hour leave flew by, and I anxiously await her next visit to Balto, when the D.C.'s cherry blossoms are in bloom.

Misters Robot-o

It snowed again today. It seems that after a brief flirtation with Spring, Winter has resumed for it's last hurrah and for the second time in less than a week we are getting accumulation. Schools have been closed since Thursday, and I am sure they will be again tomorrow, possibly Wednesday too. Well, since I homeschool, we operate on a different kind of schedule, but since today was special (because snow makes even homeschooled children hyper), we built some very cool robots. We have been saving up boxes, tubes and plastic bottles and I bought a big, fat roll of duct tape, broke out the glue gun and voila, two Robot men were born. (Pictures will be coming forthwith.) This project makes up for at least a couple weeks of art projects, since it took us all afternoon. The best part was when they were completed, the boys began flying them around the house and making all those cool noises that only little boys know how to make to demonstrate their fighting abilities. Apparently these robots fight. The Artist told me his was on Jupiter because it has less gravity so it can jump higher. When I informed him that Jupiter has more gravity, he corrected himself and said, "Oh, not Jupiter, the moon then, that has less gravity, right?" Oh, smart child. So I guess this was sort of an interdisciplinary art lesson, a little art and science all rolled into one.

Tomorrow we will catch up on Phys. Ed and frolic in the snow for a while. It is so gorgeous outside tonight. Everything is glowing under the snowy crystals. I love how when it snows like this everything is carpeted and soft, insulated and quiet. There is a magical stillness about it, especially at night.

Daily Affirmations

Remember Stuart Smalley from SNL's Daily Affirmations? Well, I think I need a little dose of "I'm good enough, smart enough and dog-gone-it people like me" these days. Sometimes the Lord surprises us in unexpected ways through unexpected means. I have expressed a little frustration with my Bible study group at times because I am finding that I come from a more reformed perspective, and the majority of the group does not. But let me add that I love these people dearly and in someways they have become a second family to me, picking me up and dusting me off and putting a loving arm around me in many subtle and overt ways. Last Monday our leader for the night had us tape a paper to our backs, and then write on at least three other people's papers one thing that we admire about that person. Having been feeling especially down on myself the past week or so, this was a very timely excercise. It wasn't hard to find things to say about the others, and when I took mine off and read it I was surprised at what it said. My paper had these words on it:

PERSERVERANCE, sincerity, loving/enduring, Rock-solid-long-lasting solid.

These are not the traits that I expected to see, but obviously this is how I impress the group, and it was encouraging to read those words. But even more than that, a little note that one of the gals had jotted off and given to me that same night really touched me. She wrote:

Dear Joyella,
I am so glad that you are a part of our group. I enjoy your sense of humor, and I am truly amazed at your strength. I always look forward to spending time with you.

That note brought a couple tears to my eyes. It was that last sentence that did it, because that is my greatest insecurity these days. Rejection is a powerful thing. It has caused me to question my self-worth, my beliefs, my values, and yet it hasn't changed who I am or that I am, because I have the peace that passes all understanding.

Dormez-vous?

From "Tree" with love,

The best things to say, if you're caught at your desk napping:

10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time
management course you sent to me "

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got
here
just in time."

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and
envisioning a new business strategy."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related
stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to handle
that
big accounting problem."

3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you
put
your ear down real close?"

2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?"

AND THE NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk........

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus name, Amen."

Super Nanny

I was a nanny for many years. This was at a time when the term "nanny" had to be explained on a regular basis, because here in the U.S., it was a fairly new phenomenon. Women were heading into the work force in droves, and still having children, so there was suddenly this great need for fresh young willing people (like myself) to care for these little ones while mommy and daddy took care of their careers. Now there is this new phenomenon of reality t.v. and Super Nanny is one that has caught my attention. As a former nanny, and now a mother I was curious to see what this bold Brit would say to these parents who desperately needed parenting guidance. Last night while surfing the drab network programs I was deeply convicted by the Super Nanny.

I greatly admire how this woman comes into these homes, observes, critiques, and suggests with such authority. I wish I had been so bold as a nanny in my day, but I can't go back, only forward, and this is where the conviction comes in... My Stuntman is a bold one, and sometimes he is downright disrespectful, and I had just been putting up with it. Partly I wasn't sure how I needed to address the issue, and partly because he is so darned cute that I would play it down and rationalize it. So after watching some bits of the Super Nanny in action, I realized I have a problem in my home which needs addressing, and I started today. It started first thing, mind you, but I was strong and determined, and I think I made some good progress. I haven't been consistent enough with my disciplining, which is one of the greatest challenges as a single parent, no back up. But also there was a method in which Super Nanny said it is important to come down to the child's level, lower you voice, so they know you mean business, and explain what they did wrong and what the consequence is for it. So, parts of this technique I was doing, but not consistently, and not effectively and not completely. I think the coming down to Stuntman's level and using a calmer, but serious tone works really well with him (that was a new element for me), so I will keep trying until he can manage his angry outbursts better without disrespecting me, hurting others, or trashing his surrounding area.

My Stuntman is a vivacious, loving, affectionate soul. He is tender hearted, creative and wild, he simply just needs to learn how to tame his wildness so that he can better relate to those around him. I hope to provide a means to this taming.

Translation please?

On the cover of my latest journal, given to me by MK for fun from a $ store, there is a quote in some form of English-Chinese-hybrid. It says:

" HOPE I'll be there as an oxygen...Missing the scent of nature that life up my spirit..."

Any guesses as to what that means? Well it makes me smile anyway.

No escape

The Stuntman has had a relapse of fever, and now, I am getting IT. It is hard to escape the power of viral infection when one is surrounded by it for over two weeks. I had been hopeful to make a narrow escape of good health. I've been taking my vitamins, but I haven't been getting enough rest, so I gave the bug an opportunity for attack. I am still in the early stages of stuffy head, fatigue, headache, and scratchy throat...Just when I thought I could get back to normal activity again...

Signs of Spring

While preparing our evening meal of pasta with cheese sauce (from scratch, mind you) and salad, I happened to look out the west kitchen window and saw a flock of robins plucking their dinners from the earth. Robins are migratory birds, and this is the first I have seen of them since fall, which is good news indeed. As the clumps of snow are melting from the unseasonably warm temperatures we had last week and now again today, some tulip bulbs are poking up along the south side of my house in the narrow bed beneath the boys' bedroom windows. The Stuntman saw and squished a bug at the park today, and I found an ant in paradise on my kitchen floor amidst all of Prettiness' crumbs below her highchair. Regardless of what that groundhog saw, it is coming, and I am so ready for it. I had forgotten how pleasant it is to let the boys play outside in the fresh air and sunshine, how tired they get afterward and how they sometimes still need naps. Today they both slept for roughly two hours after our excursion to Meadowood park. After such long naps, The Artist was much revived, and had lots to say at table tonight about mucous and snot, and exoskeletons and insects, and he even had a second portion of pasta and salad. The Stuntman was still a bit groggy, but was able to contribute a little to the conversation about shark pee and dinosaur poo-poo. Ahhh, the wonderment of boys.

There is nothing like a little Spring-ish air to awake the body, soul and mind.

This just in

My friend Rae just passed this link on to me about grace and the will of God by John Piper. It is extremely helpful and relevant to my previous post on grace.

Grace and more grace

Grace:
Upon preparing for my Bible study on the Grace of God for tomorrow evening, I came across this verse (in red): Titus 2:11,13,14 " For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all, training us to renounce impiety and worldly passions, and in the present age to live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and godly, while we wait for the blessed hope and the manifestation of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ."

So the question that follows a little later in the study about this verse is:
Although God offers salvation to every person, why do only some receive it?

Does God really offer salvation to every person? If God's grace is irresistable, how can anyone refuse it?

I have been looking for an answer in the book "Know your Christian Life" by Sinclair B. Ferguson, and came across the concepts of "General Calling" and "Effectual Calling" which addresses the issue, but I can't help thinking the explanation a little to convenient. Being that there aren't any Calvinists in my Bible study, I thought I would try to represent... so I better read up on this some more.



more grace:
Blockbuster now has a seven day grace period for returns. This is excellent news for me, and upon being told this by the cashier, I replied, "That's great, I need more grace." The cashier let out a stifled laugh. I don't think she knew what I was talking about.

Blogger's made some changes...

I just checked my comments, and there is a new format here. It is fun to see Randy's face smiling next to his comment. I like it better too, because now you can use some html tags when posting a comment and preview it first. So, perhaps Blogger has been busy improving things after all, and not totally slacking off.

Tatoo me (it's New Year, again)

There is a new addition to my dermis, it isn't permanent, however. Yogi Bear has taken residence on my upper right arm, and The Artist is sporting Tom and Jerry on his right forearm. The boys have been sick, so I have tried to break the monotony of laying around, reading books and watching videos with a little body art. I got these freebie tatoos from Cartoon Network, and they are pretty good ones. I wore the Huckleberry Hound one for about a week before it was completely rubbed off by my jeans...still deciding where Quick Draw McGraw and Fred and Barney should be displayed...

Today is also Chinese (Lunar) New Year, Ash Wednesday, and my friend Inge's birthday. I celebrated the latter with Inge but with a little Chinese twist--some China Moon take-out, and some herbal Chinese-ish gifts and some not-so-Chinese-chocolate-raspberry-pudding-cake. Yummmy. We talked so much that there was no time for the movie, so I will have to see it another time.

I am very tired. The Stuntman decided to interupt my precious REM several times last night, and even though I did get a little nap, I am still beat.

Rory and Logan?

Okay I have a few guilty pleasures, and watching Gilmore Girls is one of them. Tonight a little romance started to simmer with Rory and Logan, and Lorelai may have blown it big time with Luke, no thanks to the meddling Emily, watch out! The Gilmore wedding was elegant, and uneventful for the most part, as it should be I suppose. Overall, an enjoyable episode, which left me hanging til next week.

Wondering what my other guilty pleasures are? Well, I won't divulge all of them, but I do admit to watching Blind Date (it is so Bridget Jones of me)--I have to date vicariously these days, you see....and most of the time, I am glad it is them and not me. hehe

Flippery Fish

I am a Flippery Fish in the TTLB ecosystem. What is that you ask? Go check it out and see for yourself. I will add that only a week or so ago I was an Insignificant Microbe, so there has been much progress.

In other news, I haven't felt much like blogging lately as you can probably tell from my most recent posts. I don't feel like talking about me, and I am feeling like it is time to do more with my time... Also, I've been much busier with life and real living breathing people, and for the most part, that is a good thing.

Also, feeling too tired to write and think...Sing me to Sleep, sing me to sleep, I'm tired and I want to go to bed...

First week daily breastfeeding log

As I begin to wean Prettiness, I recall those early days of her life when I was the only source for her nourishment. I don't feel sad about weaning, it is necessary and shows that she is developing and maturing in a healthy manner. Upon tidying up her shelves today, I uncovered the first week of daily breastfeeding log. For those of you who may never have nursed an infant, and are curious, newborns eat, poop and pee, and sleep-usually in that order.

day 1: born at 12:52pm nursed directly after birth, 2pm, 5pm, 9pm; 1 wet diaper, 2 soiled
day 2: nursed at 12am, 3am, 4am, 6am, 10am, 1pm, 3pm, 7pm, 10pm; 2 wet, 1 soiled
day 3: nursed at 2:30am, 4:30, 8:30, 9:30, 12pm, 4:30, 7, 9, 10; 3wet, 4 soiled
day 4: nursed at 12am,1,2,6,8,10, 11:30, 2pm,5, 7,9, 11:30; 6 wet, 6 soiled
day 5: nursed at 12:30am,2, 4, 7,9, 12 pm, 1,3,4,6,8,11; 7 wet, 7 soiled
day6 and 7 were very much like day 5, except day 7 there were 8 wet, 7 soiled!

Okay, you get the idea. Newborns are a full time job.

The squirrel went berserk

Here's a funny little song my folks sent me about how a squirrel can minister in church. Strangely enough, we just watched The Iron Giant, and a similar thing happens to Dean when Hogarth's squirrel gets loose in the Diner.

Music Meme (slightly revised and updated 2-7-05)

Random 10 Albums Semi-Sorta Randomly pulled from my collection:
{Please note that many of my favorite "cool" albums were "ours" and are now "his", so it is somewhat of a slim pickins in my music library. These are ones I have picked or purchased without the influence of "him".}

1. Anne Lenox - Bare (Incredible! it speaks my deep sorrows so soulfully)
2. Police - Reggatta de Blanc (Walking on the Moon is a favorite of my Artist)
3. Enya - The Memory of Trees (played alot while boys were infants as lullabies, also good for bubble baths)
4. R.E.M - Life's Rich Pageant (the car cd player is holding this one hostage, and I miss it)
5. Paris Combo - LIVE (Loungy french music- tres cool!)
6. Nick Drake - Way to Blue Introduction to Nick Drake (For when I am feeling meloncholic or just mellow)
7. Suzanne Vega - Nine Objects of Desire (Heavy on the base and groovy)
8. They Might Be Giants - Flood (Serendipitously zany, fun and wacky)
for the kids:
9. Harry Connick - Songs I've Heard (Favorites from all the musicals I grew up with)
10. Veggie Tales Sing-Alongs - Bob and Larry's Sunday Morning Songs (All the old churchy songs we learned at Sunday school and camp-veggie style)

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
Uh, what? My computer can play music? (I am not smart enough to know how to do this... actually I don't think I have enough memory on this little lap top for much of anything else.)
The last CD you bought is:
Nick Drake - Way to Blue, but I have one waiting for me that I ordered and plan to purchase it in the next couple of days. It is "Where the Humans Eat" by Willy Mason.
What is the song you last listened to before this message?
The Church - Under the Milkyway, it was on the radio in my car coming home from the store this afternoon. (I love that song too.)

Five songs that you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

1. Pet Shop Boys - "You are always on my mind" has many memories associated with a certain time, and I recall belting this one out as I thought about my sister after her death.
2. Enya - "Anywhere Is" It is very poetic, and I love the cadence of this one.
3. Anne Lennox - "Bitter Pill" It's melody is fun and funky, and yet the lyrics are dark and and full of pain.
4. Suzanne Vega - "Caramel" Mmmm, caramel.
5. "It is well with my soul" Means a lot to me and it always makes me cry.

*newly added
6. "Oxygen" by Willy Mason check out the words Here to see why.
7. "I will Survive" by Irene Cary (Do I need to explain this one?)

Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (5 persons and why)
Randy, because he asked.
Greg, because he is a music connaisseur.
Tree, because I am curious of her musical tastes.
Julie, because she is my musical sister.
Tif, because we like the same kinds of music, and I need recommendations.

Another mellow Sunday

Snowed in for the second Sunday in a row, and I confess, short of missing worship this morning it has been an ideal day. Lazed around in jammies for several hours, played in the snow with my boys while Prettiness napped, totally organized (well, mostly) the boys room and vacuumed (oh it was gross in there) , baked up some snacks for "Game Night" tomorrow with my Bible study bunch, and I didn't have to wash the salt of my car, because the snow did it for me.

Fresh tunes

I have been listening to WTMD fairly regularly now in my car, mostly, and I have for the most part enjoyed the experience. Last week, as I parked in front of the Jo-Ann fabric store, I had to stay and finish listening to Willy Mason's "Oxygen". This song is so soulful, and it just touched me, so my music store has ordered me a copy of " Where the Humans Eat". I am also diggin' the band Dogs Die in Hot Cars. They have a mod new-wave sound--a blend of Elvis Costello, Howard Jones and their own distinctness. Particularly fond of "Godhopping" although I haven't really taken a look at the words yet.

What do ChristianTherapists read?

My counselor/therapist is a Christian, in fact he is an elder at my church. He rarely tells me anything about himself, as I would expect is most professional of him, but this last visit, he shared that he and the others in the office have been reading this book: A Generous Orthodoxy.
Now I am intrigued, as I too am interested in this topic.

I'm so excited!

It may not seem like a big deal to most people, but of all my "grown-up" years (since 1994) I have only had a dishwasher for two of them. Those were the two years that I lived in apartment complexes paying way too much rent, but I really loved having a dishwasher. The past two and a half years I have been without, until today! My sister-in-law just moved into her new home with her husband and baby-on-the-way, and they gave me their old portable dishwasher. My brother-in-law and his wife just delivered it tonight, and not a moment too soon. I have been cooking all day for my mom's birthday, (Happy Birthday, Mom) and even though Lynn was just here helping me catch up with chores, I have once again filled the sink to brimming with mixing bowls, measuring cups, plates, silverware and a very greasy roasting pan.

If you are interested, here was the menu for this evening:
*Green leaf lettuce salad with Raspberry Walnut Vinegret Dressing
*Hahn Estates 2003 Montery Merlot
*Maple-glazed Roasted Duckling with McIntosh Apples
*Red Potatoes with butter and thyme
*Fresh steamed Green beans
*Chocolate Cream Cake with Chocolate sour cream icing
*Neopolitan Ice cream
*Hot Tea (presently not equipped for coffee making)

Mmmmm, my tummy is full and happy. Just finishing off my wine and feeling very satisfied with the evening. Mother was properly "Birthday-ed" and I am pleased.

Bowl for a Buck!

There isn't much you can do for a dollar these days, but here is one of them. Parkville Bowling Lanes has $1 a game duckpin bowling from 4-6pm every weekday! Rumor has it that many local bowling alleys do this, because it is the slowest time of day for bowling--it is certainly worth checking out. We tried this fun form of recreation today with another homeschooling family and had a blast.

a new hope, and I don't mean star wars...

I feel that since late last week I am starting to feel like my old self again. No, I haven't been ill, just a little depressed. The dark clouds that have been hovering over my head shed some snow, and now they are lighter and not so threatening.

I met with my friend/ former employer, Sarah Veblen, yesterday to catch up and talk about possibly taking one of her classes, and possibly getting back into sewing in a more regular-support-myself-and-the-kids kind of way. She may have some leads for me in the future, and that is hopeful. She is always so complimentary of me and my work potential, it is always a boost of encouragement to visit with her. The visit was cut short, so I didn't get to see what she has brewing in her studio, so we left it open for another visit in the near future.

I appreciate the verses given to me by my mom, and friends, during these several dark weeks, thank you. I make no promises of not repeating this cycle, in fact it should be expected--I am told.

I was especially blessed by this verse last night that was in the boys' devotional last night:
Isaiah 58:11
"I will always guide you. I will satisfy your needs in a land that is baked by the sun. I will make you stronger. You will be like a garden that has plenty of water. You will be like a spring that never runs dry."

I also am grateful for the help of my sisters in Christ who have been lending a hand every now and again...Today especially thankful for Lynn, who washed my dishes, folded laundry and mopped my floor, so I had some time to spend with my boys, and for mom beginning to recover from her illness and to babysit for a couple hours--keep taking it easy, mom.

Garden State

Just finished watching Garden State tonight. *deep sigh* Wow, it hit me hard.

In his attempt to help his son (Andrew Largeman) deal with grief, the psychiatrist father has prescribed him so many meds that he is too numb to feel anything - even the good stuff.

There are many times these days when I wish I could numb all the pain that I feel, and I have tried some of the lesser methods, but they always wear off, and the pain is still there when it does. We can not escape life. It happens and we need to deal with it. "Sometimes life just effing hurts." Unfortunately this film doesn't offer the same kind of hope that we Christians can have in knowing that it is all for a purpose, part of God's intricate design. But yet, somehow the movie is hopeful. Largeman begins to unlock his guilt, anger and grief and deals with it. The healing process comes with unexpected companionship, and clarity (not taking the meds), and some bizarre friendships.

Oh, yes and thank-you, person who recommended the soundtrack to this film, it is indeed worth a listen.

Joyella's disclaimer:
This film is a little gritty with real-life kind of content, which is never tidy. There is a lot of swearing, drug use and other racey material. There, I have warned you.

Bloody lawsuit?

I took the fam to Cheeburger Cheeburger tonight as a little treat, since I rarely take them out, and I really didn't feel like cooking or cleaning up afterward. All went well until when we were getting ready to go, I notice blood all over little Prettiness' hand. Somehow she had cut her index finger and the darn thing would not stop. I guess small people pump their blood rather quickly, and for a reason beyond me it would not clot. I tried holding a paper towel to it - firmly- for many minutes, and it still didn't stop. By the time I had bundled the kids into the car and driven across the vast parking lot to the Blockbuster, selected Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back and Garden State, and moved up to the check out, she had blood smeared all over her face.

If I were a different sort of person, I am sure I would see opportunity in this bloody event. A chance to make a profit off of some capitalist chain restaurant--I am sure they are at fault (I say tongue in cheek). I really have no idea what caused the cut. It sort of looked like a deep paper cut, but I couldn't find any sharp edges- nor did I really want to, I just wanted to stop the bleeding. For all I know, she could have bit her own finger on a sharp edge of a new tooth, but it didn't really look like that kind of cut. The whole thing didn't faze her a bit. By the time we got back home, she was sucking on her new booboo - it was still bleeding. So I quickly washed her and the cut off and bandaged it. Bandaging a baby's finger is kind of ridiculous though, fortunately she was just about to go to bed for the night and that would give it time to heal before she figures out how to get that bandage off and eat it... I doubt it will still be there in the morning.

My little Potato Eater or Forgotten Pleasures Remembered

Tonight I relished watching little "Prettiness" eat mashed potatoes. There is nothing so pleasurable to a toddler as reaching a chubby hand into a pile of pasty food and smearing into her mouth. It made me want to eat them that way too, only I was holding her on my lap, so I refrained and just observed. No doubt, this eating adventure required bathing afterward, which is something my little girl has been loathing for the past three months. Ever since that horrible case of diaper rash, she has had a bath-phobia and would scream bloody murder at the near sight of anything resembling a tub of water. I had resorted to washing her up while sitting her on a towel on my lap, and once taken her in the shower with me, but she was just too slippery and it is hard to wash my hair using only one hand. Anyway, I ventured to give her a proper bath tonight and she only cried for a few minutes and then began to remember the forgotten pleasures of splashing and pouring water. She didn't even want to get out, but since she was beginning to shiver, I figured it was time. Oh, I hope next bath she remembers that she does like it after all and doesn't give me a fit.

ha ha, that blogger!

Well, for some odd reason unbeknownst to me, my photo finally published into my profile. I have been trying to change it for what two weeks now? I haven't even gotten a response from the "Blogger Helps"...but they are working on it, I am sure....

Which blogs do I read?

A while back, Kris asked me which blogs I like to visit and read on a regular (some are more regular than others, but all are good ones) basis. Well on most blogs there is a place to list them, but I haven't yet figured out how to do that on the sidebar, it may very well be that this template doesn't allow for it, so I thought I would just list and link them here if any of you visitors are curious. It also gives my blog buddies a little publicity, not much, because I am read less than many of them, but that is just fine with me.... So here goes:

Quotidian Light

Jeremygilby.com
Everyday thoughts collected
Jtwenty7
TulipGirl
Amazing adventures of Astrid
Kyrosity
Honest2blog
Gideon Strauss
A Likely Story
World Wide Rant
Notes from a byzantine-rite-calvinist

Good bye HFS

Yesterday was the last day that local radio station WHFS played on the air. It is now a local Latino-Hispanic station, which came as quite a shock when I hit my pre-programmed button yesterday and heard someone crooning en Espangol. (If you are curious like I was about this sudden unexpected change see here and read all about it.) I started listening to HFS back in the mid 80's when it was still an independent alternative station. I discovered it through my punk-rock sister, and really liked it. Then it gradually became, well, not so special. Lots of angry boy-bands and lots of commercials. The Flashback cafe was always fun, and the main reason I still hung in there with HFS. I even attended one of the first HFStivals -the one at Lake Fairfax, that was so fun, like a mini-alternative-woodstock, the Violent Femmes were the headliners. "Do you like American music?" It was very memorable. But now I search for a new alternative station that will play all my high-school favorites as well as new groovy tunes. Perhaps the WRNR is the one, although I always have found it ironic that a disc jockey (remember Damien?) would have a speech impediment.

Special friends

Friends who can feel comfortable enough to just drop by are the most precious of all.

Tonight much to my surprise I had two (or I should say three) unexpected but very welcome visitors, and it must have been divine intervention... Only God knew I would get such an awful, confrontational phone call from M tonight. It was so good to have support right there on the spot. Thank you friends, you know who you are, and I love you all very much.

I wrote many, many pages in my journal (I write in large letters when I'm angry) and drew another picture tonight. It helped a lot to vent in these productive ways, now I am just relaxing with a cosmo and checking out the "sphere".

Forgetful

Sometimes we need to clear our schedules, and have some down-time, and just "be". I suppose that is what I have needed, because I have simply forgotten several things in my schedule this week, and not remembered them until they have long passed. My mind has been elsewhere. It has been nice to chill with the kinderen and not feel pressured to be anywhere, but we missed a homeschool field trip yesterday--I even had that one written down on the calendar. We missed WOW this morning, but I wasn't dead-set on going today anyhow, even though it was the first one for the new season. I almost ditched Bible study Monday night, but since Judy called me the night before, I felt obliged. I really think all of the socializing over Christmas holiday, and New Year's has turned me back into the hermit I once was... I'm sure it won't last long. Usually I have the snow as an excuse to not go anywhere for a while. See, we live on this ginormous hill that is pretty darn precarious in inclement weather, and I am lacking four-wheel-drive, so I will stay in until the asphalt thaws a bit, and that can take a couple days-depending on the sun/wind/temp scenario. I am still hoping to see some snow this winter, there has been way too much dreary rain. Snow is much more interesting. It is sculptable, makes a great weapon, a slippery medium for transportation, and it is a great sound insulator. It also looks purty.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Cool live music in my own backyard

Okay it wasn't in my backyard, but it once was my house...

I live right next door to the house I grew up in from age 5-11, and it now is property to a PCA church here in town. The house is now used for youth meetings, sunday classes, housing missionaries and some college guys live upstairs (it is a really big house). Last night was a "Coffe House" for the twenty-something crowd, but I crashed it since my brother-in-law, Greg the awesome guitarist, bassist, and vocalist and my best-friend's little sister, Molly the wonderful singer/songwriter/guitarist were playing there live. Molly's talent has really blossomed these past few years, she's out of college now and I hope she gets "noticed" soon.

A Book Meme

From Rae, who got it from the Llamas, who swiped it from JenSpeaks and she borrowed it from Fire Ant Gazette: A book meme. Copy the list from the last person in the chain, delete the names of the authors you don't have on your home library shelves and replace them with names of authors you do have. Bold the replacements.
From my shelves:

1. J.K. Rowling
2. Peter Mayle
3. J.M. Barrie
4. Jane Austen
5. CS Lewis
6. JRR Tolkien
7. Emily Brontë
8. Gustave Flaubert
9. Louisa May Alcott
10. William Shakespeare

(Rae, it looks like you and I have similar tastes, because the authors of yours I replaced, I have read, but just don't own.)

A real day "off"

Dropped off all three children, yesterday at 5pm with M. He has them all until 4pm today.

It feels funny to wake up lazily in bed, not having anyone begging me for anything, not being "on" to the demands of others. My internal clock woke me at 7:30, but I hit the internal snooze a few times. A leisure that I haven't experienced in quite a long time, for when I have left L overnight before, I was either hosting a guest (Tif) or being one (Tif's). This time, it is just me. I am really enjoying it, but now I think I must get out of my jimjams and get dressed, because it is after 1 o'clock in the afternoon.

The incredible shrinking man, and other weird stuff Inge put in my stocking

My Christmas stocking was filled not only by me, it turns out. I hadn't mentioned it before, because, well, I've been in a bit of a funk and hadn't felt like it. Inge, my dear sister (in-law) and long-time friend dropped by on Christmas eve and plopped some surprises in my sock. We have enjoyed the boyfriend I grew in the bathtub, and now we are watching him shrink back to his two inch size. My sons have been fascinated with the effects of water on porous rubber (filled with some super-absorbant gel -like in diapers). I just tasted my first bit of Hello Kitty Chewing Candy, and I thought it would be like gum, but it was more like starburst or taffy--but a weird flavor-fruity, but non-descript. I really like the Emily the Strange Fire flavored gum too, it is eye-watering strong and cinnamonny, but it loses its "fire" a little too soon. I painted my nails pale pink last week with the polish she deposited too, but it never stays nice long with all the hand dishwashing, so I had to take it off so as not to look too "white trash".

I had another surprise delivered today: some venison. My dad's friend, Chip, is a hunter, and brought me some of his kill. Mmm, can't wait to cook me up some Bambi. Hehe. Oh, where is the "Grillmaster" when I need him most?

Oh, happy new year

I did it. I survived. I made it through the Christmas - New Year holiday with only one complete melt-down, and only emptied one box of tissues. (This is a huge improvement on last year.)

I had fun with my Philly friend Tif, as she rang in the new year with me and some other friends. There was lots of good food and drink and I stayed up way too late, continuing my tradition of beginning the new year sleep-deprived - just three solid hours of shut-eye. Prettiness woke me before the sun came up--and I actually saw the sun rise on the first day of this year. (It was a gorgeous rosy pink one too.) How many of you can make that claim?

As an introvert, I think I have filled my social quota for the whole season in the past week, and that makes me tired, but so does all of the emotion.

I am rethinking some of my scheduling commitments this year, I need to take better stock of my time and energy and focus on the most important things to nurture myself and my children. I need to follow Randy's example and have a day of reflection and make the necessary changes for this year. (By the way, Randy said I can invite you all to the discussion forums he has going, but you do need to register first--to dodge any of the evil Spammeristas who shut down his blog, those dirty rats!)

me again

So I finally got some pictures developed and put on a disk.

Me and mini-me.

Art therapy II

Art therapy I

The Stuntman took this picture, (not bad for a four year old) I was instructed to "make a face". 

The Stuntman, Prettiness, and the Artist. 

Autumn fun with the Artist and the Stuntman. 

Prettiness, mommy and the bunnycake. This is L's first birthday.

groovy girls night

I woke up this morning with a mild headache, very sore knees and a developing blister on the ball of my left foot. A had a night on the town with six girlfriends at a hip newish venue. The Red Maple is a groovin' classy tappas lounge with delicious food and drink and desserts worth every extra calorie. After 9:30 or so, it was a little too loud to converse with anyone who wasn't directly infront of or next to me, as the music began to get faster and people started to crowd the bar. So we got the party started on the dance floor. The d.j. was mixing up some Persian, Indian, hiphop blends which takes a little getting use to, but if anyone is unsure of how to move to this beat, you can take cues from the Bollywood musicals projected on the far wall of the courtyard. (Very funny to watch-people on the dance floor were also amusing) There were several moments when I thought it would be fun to draw this depiction of social ritual, perhaps I may try that sometime.

Upon discussing the previous nights hits and misses with my good friend, we wondered why is it that the less desirable guys are the ones with guts enough to "move in" on the dance floor, especially since they are certain of repeated rejection?

Why I hate New Year's Eve

I guess it started as a teenager, my romantic notions for what New Year's Eve celebrations should be like. Perhaps I watched too many Fred and Ginger, Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn and Audrey Hepburn movies during those impressionable years. I think when I was fourteen or fifteen I had my first big New Year's disappointment (staying home watching the ball drop on t.v. while everyone else in my family had parties to go to), and it hasn't really improved ever since. There is just too much pressure to "start the year off right," and for some reason I have bought into that notion that you can't be asleep when the calendar changes so I am usually sleep deprived when the year begins. I have certainly had some that were less disappointing than others, and those were the years where I had absolutely no expectations what-so-ever. So that is my New Year's resolution: no expectations for New Year's Eve. I might even be able to keep this one--usually I make the same resolution every year, and that is to floss every day.

I don't even consider Jan 1 the beginning of the year, anyway. As a student (and former student), teacher (and former wife of a teacher), and now mother of a school age child, my year has always "begun" in September, for as long as I can remember. That is how time is marked in my mind - the year is a big elipse, with September at one end.

Darn you, Blogger!

Yes, I'm still here, just hangin' in. I have written two lengthy posts since my "Blahs" and Blogger has froze up on me and lost them. So, I am just writing briefly to say that I survived my first single-mom Christmas, but just barely. It has been a hellish week, but there have been a few bright spots: spending time with family (immediate and extended), seeing some old friends from out-of-town, lots of chocolate, and fun presents to give and receive.

I think the dark clouds of holiday depression are lifting, but we still have New Year's, and that is my least favorite holiday of them all (more on that later.)

I hope all of you bloggers, and readers are enjoying your time with family and friends, time off work and are able to be quiet with the Lord now that the rush is over.

Blahs

It would have been really nice to sleep all day today. Feeling the winter blahs. I still have some preparations (shopping) to do for Christmas, and of course more baking, but not today. M was supposed to have the kiddos for a few hours--my mental health break--but he "called in sick" and so no break for this tired momma. (I wish I could call in sick.)

Yesterday I woke at 6:30 with the baby, and after she went back to sleep, I decided to shower and get going with the day. It felt really good to be able to sit and read in those early quiet hours. I almost decided to do it everyday. Almost, until this morning. The bed was so warm and fluffy, and my eyelids were like lead. So I slept until the children were begging for breakfast and the disgruntled Stuntman was wanting "Byoo jeans" which were not yet dry from washing. He sat naked on the floor for about ten minutes complaining and then dug out a pair from the hamper and after that he seemed much better. (God forbid he stay in his comfy p.j.'s an extra hour until his pants were dry--that' s what I always do.)

Generally feeling blah, sort of sad, mostly tired and somewhat overwhelmed with all the responsibility today. This is supposed to get easier, right? (Please send hugs.)

Art taxi

Last night my friend, Gordon, called with a favor to ask. He needed some help transporting some of his paintings to local radio station for an exhibit. I think I was his last hope, I know he wouldn't have called me first. Anyway, I was glad to put my minivan to good use in supporting a local starving artist, so I said "of course". While driving all over downtown Baltimore, I saw several more of the "Evacuation Route" signs. Funny, I never had noticed them before, and now I am seeing them all over. I wonder how many millions of dollars went into that campaign? To be perfectly honest, anyone who can't find their way to a main artery leading out of the city shouldn't be in the city in the first place. I am no geographical wizard, I may get lost going into the city, but I sure as hell know how to find my out!

Feeling very productive

Last night I constructed two pairs of little boy's pajamas. I used cute white knit fabric with locomotives all over them that I purchased from my favorite online fabric store. It has become sort of a tradition to give the boys pajamas (made by moi) on Christmas. This fabric has been sitting around for almost a year (maybe longer) so it is about time they get made. I am feeling warm, pleasing sensations of satisfaction-or perhaps that is the wine. I have finished most of my shopping, although I still have some things to make, and I have all the gifts I purchased wrapped already. It's been a good day. I celebrate this day with a nice bottle of Luna di Luna given to me by a friend (it comes in a fabulous blue bottle which I happen to collect, so it is a double gift) and some chicken, broccoli and pasta with a lemon-garlic-cream sauce- YUM! - cheers!

Joyella's Chocolate Walnut Tart gets rave reviews...

The pastry chef strikes again...

Today at the WOW luncheon, hosted by Helen, women oohed and ahhed over Joyella's delicious Chocolate Walnut Tart. "It's my secret weapon," she said when asked what makes this tart so special. "I think the combination of caramel, walnuts and chocolate are enough to drive anyone into oblivion. Using real vanilla beans in the caramel is the clincher."

While the cat's away...

Over at Rae's blog, some crazy stuff is going on... She has some guest bloggers while she is away, and it is like a party going on over there. Randy's bits are highly entertaining.

Please interpret:

"You are a swirly kind of person." This statement arose out of someone viewing my artwork, but I was wondering how others might interpret this statement. (I happen to think it is absolutely true, by the way, I just don't know exactly what it means.)

Oh, and I am disappointed that no one had any ideas thus far on the "Evacuation Route". That could have been a fun, creative excersize.

Christmas came a little early

While I was away last weekend, the auto fairy came and serviced my car. My little minivan got a nice long drink of fresh oil, new wiper blades, four new tires, wheel alignment, and a few other things I know not what they are. This was one of those gifts that you daren't ask for, know you need, and hope that the money will magically appear to get it all taken care of. Wow, the green machine is running smooth and much more safely now. Thanks auto fairy! I love you too.

I am so proud

Proud of myself that is. My computer graphics teacher used to get such a kick out of me, because it didn't take much to thrill me in computer lab. I was always so pleased with myself when I learned a new skill, like cut and paste, or drag and click, I even learned how to overlap figures and do very, very basic animation. I still have the Apple IIGS floppy with my projects on it, but it is all obsolete now-not that I even have an Apple to work on. But look at me linking like it's nobody's business....
::::making a big cheesy grin of self-satisfaction::::

Computers, love 'em or leave 'em

In middle school, I decided that computers were evil. The spawn of Satan himself.
In my seventh grade math class we had this computer unit, where we learned how to write a very, I mean very simple program. The program was supposed to give the comp instructions on how to make the screen appear in one color with our initials in block letters in another color. Mine looked like.... well, the J was right, and the R was half right, and the S was all screwed up. It was then, in my frustration that I decided that not only did I hate computers, but they hated me back.

In high school, my senior year, I decided that computers were going to be unavoidable, and so I should get more comfortable with them. So, I took a computer graphics class. This was so much better for me because it incorporated art (my strength) and I soon realized that you don't have to write programs for everything you do on a computer. Light bulb!

Many years passed before I was able to "go online" and "surf". It even took me several weeks before I could fully comprehend the concept of e-mail. But I am learning, and now that I "blog" I am finding that I enjoy my time on this machine. I even miss it when the Verizon goes kaput or when it was broken. I have not, however become a geek (nod and wink to Jeremy R. Gilby) by any means, in fact I think I am probably the polar opposite.

A little technical experiment in linkage

Okay, so I am trying to understand the next level of blogging. Linking up to other sites. I want to mention Quotidian Light post from November 22, 2004.
You may see if you visit there that one of my other lives includes pastry chef. Yesterday while baking bread, I remembered a little comment made not too long ago regarding this very thought. "You are not a pastry chef?" Well, I guess I am an amateur pastry chef/ baker/ extrordinaire... I have my first "job" on Christmas Eve. (To be perfectly honest, it isn't my first job, it is just my first since I have considered it a real possibility. I made a wedding cake about 7 years ago, and two years ago I made a huge and delicious -if-I-may-say-so-myself- 40th year anniversary cake for my folks, and that fed at least 50 people. And there have been other treats I have concocted at the request of others too, however only one other was for pay.)

Evacuation Route?

Several times each week I have to go up and down a portion on I-83 to deposit and collect my children. Upon returning (heading northbound away from the city) I always see this small white sign with a blue circle with the words "Evacuation Route" and an arrow pointing heavenward. What does this sign mean? Who is it for? Evacuate from here-to where? Are there more of these signs on other roads? Is this one of the security measures instituted post 911?

If you have any ideas, I want to hear them. Post, post, post. :)

Outside the box

I returned last night from Atlanta, nauseated, inflicted with a ferocious headache, and extreme fatigue. The good news is the baby was really good on the return flight and for that I am extremely grateful to God. I went right to bed, and slept in my own, sweet, comfy bed made up with fresh sheets. Ahhha. Woke up a new person, well almost. Collected my boys at 9a.m. and came home. They briefed me on all the fun they had, showed me all the pictures they drew (there were thousands of them), and then they went with their grandpa to get a Christmas tree. After lunch, the Artist and the Stuntman have been playing so contentedly together in their room. Perhaps they missed their toys, or they just need to unwind, I don't know. I rarely have Mondays this good, so I am not going to jinx it by asking too many questions. I just went in there to help them for a minute and saw what they were doing. They are playing with Playmobil, rubber frogs, two different parking garages (one Fisher Price, one Ikea), a work bench, an easel, and wooden trees from the Brio train set. I am not sure what they are reenacting, but they are having a blast. This is what toy companies do not account for. How children really play with their toys--they mix everything up. I love the creativity involved in genuine child's play, and I try to think through the various possibilities a toy has before purchasing it. This is my general rule: the more generic the toy, the more potential it has in play. Best bets are things like: blocks, legos and other building toys, little people, cars and trucks, dolls or action figures, toy dinosaurs and other animals, balls, string, paper, etc. There are a few toy companies that do "get it" and they are Hearth Song, Magic Cabin, and Cronstructive Playthings, and I am sure I am forgetting someone, but hence it is Christmas time and I am forgetting many things.

Georgia on my mind

I am here in Atlanta, GA, visiting my sister. It has been a short visit, but a good one. She and her family are off to church, and I am here at the house letting Prettiness catch some zzzs. The flight down was one of the worst I have been on. L cried almost constantly from the time we entered BWI until we landed in Atlanta. Not only was she completely fussy, irritable and tired, but there was a lot of turbulance toward the end of the flight, which made me queasy and we had to circle the airport for an extra 30 minutes of flight time. So, it didn't go well, but we survived. I hope for better this evening when we head back.

It was so good to see my brother, he had flown all the way from Japan for a class on contemporary worship courtesy of the Air Force. Our time of all three sibs together was very short, but fun. We were able to catch up on some stories, and share some personal stuff, and just hang out together. My brother really wants me to visit them in Japan this summer.... I would love to go, so we are beginning to consider the possibilities. I had originally thought of taking little Prettiness with me, but after this horrendous three hour flight, I don't think I want to travel half-way around the world with her. I will have to make other arrangements... but I have time to think that through. Besides, she will be nearly two then, and won't need me as much.

Later today, we will go to the Festival of Trees here in Atlanta, as my three nephews will be singing in their choir there, and my big sis is the children's choir director. I have visited here several times, but have never been downtown, so I look forward to checking out the urban sights down here. More later....

I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again

Yes, tomorrow I fly south for the winter. Well, at least for the weekend. I'm going to see my sister, and brother as he has a layover in her town before he is off to his class in Alabama. It will be a short visit. I am taking Prettiness with me, and the Stuntman and the Artist will be with their dad for three days. They are very excited about that, I just hope M gets a little taste of what life is like for me, but he probably won't, because of course he will just have the two boys.

the stuntman and the artist

I have called my little baby girl "Prettiness" for this is what her name was before she had a proper one. Her oldest brother concocted this for her, he said, "Mommy, we could call her Prettiness and put ribbons in her hair," after we discovered we were having a girl. So it stuck, and we still do call her Prettiness from time to time. To maintain the anonymity of my children, I have come up with pseudonyms for them as well. The stuntman (D) is the four year old. The artist (K) is the five-going-on-twenty-year-old.

Today was a bit of a difficult day, the boys are getting stir-crazy, we haven't gone anywhere interesting because Prettiness has been so sick. This afternoon while I was changing her diaper, the boys came rushing in, both in tears-but not really real tears- and crying a little too loudly. (They needed some attention.) Well, it seems that the Stuntman had punched the Artist in the mouth, and the Artist was crying because this hurt his lip (small amount of blood as proof). The Stuntman was crying because, of course, he hurt his hand on the Artist's teeth! I burst out laughing when he told me this, and when I laughed about it so did he. What a faker! Anyway, he learned the important lesson that teeth hurt when you punch them.

Sigh.....Boys.....My bane and delight.

The pee-pee bandit

For the past few weeks, I have noticed, at times a small puddle on the floor next to the toilet. I had thought that perhaps the john was "sweating" and the condensation was just accumulating on the floor. Not so. The "water" had a foul stench. I confronted my two boys a few days ago, and they both said they didn't do it. Right...

Today the truth comes out. The little perp confessed to his crime, although I am not sure how to keep him from doing it anymore. He said, that the seat was down, and he didn't know it, ( I really am not sure how that makes it hit the floor --the seat deflected the flow of urine perhaps? being a girl, not experienced with the physics of this problem I can't be certain if this is a truthful statement ), and he was sorry (but he was grinning as he said this).

Hmm, well at least I know it isn't the plumbing, a cracked toilet or something else and I am very thankful for those disinfectant wipes.

Dragon Island

I have picked up reading "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" once again to the boys at their request. This is their favorite Narnian tale, and I am becoming more and more fond of it too. I had mentioned in a previous post how I feel like Eustace shedding his dragon scales. Tonight we read that chapter, and it gave me chills. I do feel like I am being peeled down to the tender skin underneath at times. I have had so many hard layers built up. You may not guess that to look at me, but it is true. I have a rebellious heart, and am confronted with it daily. The good I wish to do, I cannot, and the evil I do not wish to do, I do. I have been reflecting on Romans 7 and 8, to meditate on what it means to be free from sin, to live in the Spirit, and no longer be a slave to the law, as well as to desire obedience to God. Oh, there is so much work to be done in me. I have found comfort in the statement about Eustace after he was made back into a boy, that "...he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome...[but] the cure had begun."

fevers & coughs

Child #3 is now sick, and the other two are on the mend, but are still coughing. L has a fever and is like a wilted flower. She has slept most the day, and when she isn't sleeping, she just wants to to be held. I will admit, that is one part of having sick children that is kind of nice. These otherwise rambuctious, spritely children are so mellow and cuddly.

compliments?

While lounging on the couch yesterday, I was very sleepy yesterday, D climbed up beside me and layed his head on my stomach. "I yike your squishy tummy, mommy," he said.
"What?" I asked, I didn't quite understand him, and was hoping he had said something nice.
"I yike your squishy tummy, mommy," he repeated.
"Oh, [blushing] thanks, I wish it wasn't so squishy, though," I said.
"Why?" he asked.
"Well, I don't think it looks very nice, it is all stretched out from having three babies in there, and I would like it to be more firm," I replied.
D thought for a second and said, "I yike it, it feels good and comfy." Right, just like a pillow. Not what I had in mind, but I have lost fifty pounds since L was born, and I think it is still coming off. I just tried on a little kilt this morning that didn't fit last month- well, I got it on, but not comfortably- and today, it fits! I suppose stress is good for something--weight loss.

Voila, c'est fini

The cheongsam top is now complete. It hangs gracefully in my closet, waiting for the right occasion to be slipped on. The only problem is, I don't think it matches anything else in my wardrobe other than jeans, with which it looks great, but I was hoping for a dressier alternative for it. So, it is back to work designing the perfect skirt to go with the top. I like this kind of problem, I am not complaining, it stretches my creative muscles, and helps to give me some artistic focus. Unfortunately this skirt ranks rather low on the "to do" list, with Christmas right around the corner, I have bunches of other projects I hope to finish in time...
...It does feel good to have at least one project done though, even if the pile of undone projects is towering over me, swaying in the wind.

Spam

Okay, so I have noticed that other bloggers are having spam troubles, and I have so far not had such on my blog, but that is probably due to the fact that this is a little known blog. Anyhow, I have been spammed a lot via email, maybe this sounds familiar:

Dear so-in-so, I am some anonymous foreigner with some various legal injustices, blah, blah, blah... You send me money and I will double/triple/whatever... when I win my trial.... keep this confidential....etc.

Anyone else getting these? Something very fishy about it.

A blustery day

Happy December! On this fine day, the wind is whipping up a frenzy of leaves and branches. Even schools in my county were closed an hour early today because there have been so many power outages. I just heard four very loud pops, which could mean some transformers just went down close by, or someone is illegally deer hunting in the woods.

I missed WOW for the third week in a row, and this time it is because D and K are coughing, D has a fever too, but that could be related to some vaccinations he had last week. Anyhow, we did venture out briefly to Target to get our fake Christmas tree. I am personally opposed to fake trees, I mean really what is the point? But since I am a singlemom with a very curious toddler this Christmas, I decided to go the easy route, and bought a little two-foot high prelit fiber optic tree. I must admit it is cute, and it is sort of mesmirizing watching it change colors, but I do like the natural fresh pine scent from a real tree. I also like how it makes the whole room glow at night. Oh, well, maybe next year, when I am a little more confident that L won't eat the ornaments, or take them all off the lowest branches. I will probably have to wait until the boys are much bigger and brawnier to cut down our own tree, which is my very most favorite way to go about obtaining our tannenbaum.

Getting ready for Christmas feels weird this year. Last year, two days before the Nativity, M announced to me that he no longer loved me. Kind of put a damper on the Holiday, you know. This year, as I am putting up decor, I came across the stockings I had made. I wondered what to do with the one I made for him. I like it, it looks nice, but I left it in the box. K asked me where daddy's stocking was, and I said, "Well, daddy doesn't live here," and he said, "Oh, right." And that was the end of it. I have however, been told several times by the boys that daddy wants cigars for Christmas, and various other items. It has been our little tradition that the boys give M cigars and give me chocolate for Christmas. I don't really care to keep this one. I couldn't care less if M gives me anything, but it may feel important to the kids... Maybe there are extra carcinogenic ones I could buy....Evil, I know....