Friday, May 27, 2005

At the Dentist

I am suffering still from the three fillings I had done today, but as I think about the experience I had at the dentist I can't help but find it somewhat amusing. Upon entering the building I noticed two very tanned (possibly Latino) men on the roof working. It didn't dawn on me until I was sitting in the waiting area and heard the groanings of a drill--not a dentist drill mind you, some kind of industrial power tool that sounded as if it would bore right into my head from the ceiling above--that this would not be "easy listening" during the procedure. At one point the whole situation just seemed so absurd, I began to laugh (on the inside) and I was thankful that I am not one of those people with a dental phobia. To top it off, after an hour or so, a strange chemical odor resulting from the roof work, much like that of rubber cement, began to permeate the office. The receptionist kindly opened the front and back doors to allow for some fresh air, but it made only a little improvement.

Friday, May 20, 2005

The Truth about Allium

A couple of days ago while playing outside, we noticed how lovely the allium are getting on. (For those of you unfamiliar with this plant, it looks like a giant chive in blossom, about four feet tall with purple pom-pom type flowers the size of a fist.) First the Artist went over to sniff them, and then I and little Prettiness, and while we were admiring the new fish pond arrangement, the Stuntman came over with a purple fist-sized pom-pom flower proudly in hand. When asked, he said he didn't do it...he said it was already broken....hmmm. Well we (Oma and I ) were a little suspicious, but wanted to believe him, so we thought it must have happened accidentally.

A little while later, while preparing the children's lunch, Oma informed me that there was not just one snapped allium, but two....she suggested I get to the bottom of this. And so I had a private little chat with my very physical second born son. I said, "I know you broke the flower."
"How do you know?" he asked.
"I just know..." I replied, "why did you pick it?"
"It was pretty and I wanted to have it, " he said looking very serious with his deep brown eyes.
"It is pretty, but it isn't yours, so it is wrong to take it. Those flowers are special to Oma, and if you ever want to pick her flowers, you need to ask her first. " Then I added, "Oma said two were broken, did you pick two of them?"
He nodded looking rather worried.
"Okay, I am glad you told the truth this time. It is very important you tell the truth. It was wrong to take something that wasn't yours, and it is very wrong to lie about it." Then I proceeded to explain how important it is to be truthful and sent him out to confess his crime and apologize to Oma.

I am not sure how well the four year old conscience and mind process the whole concept of truth and lies...but that isn't really the point. What matters is that he learns the difference and that he needs to choose the truth, or else there will be unpleasant consequences. In this case his unpleasant consequences were confessing and apologizing to Oma. Of course if this kind of incident repeats, the consequence will have to be even more unpleasant, so that he is guided to make better choices.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Karaoke convert

Ever since I saw "Lost in Translation" I have wanted to give karaoke a try...
...and last night that opportunity arose. I was prepared to sing "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, but had so much fun I also went up two more times with "Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders and "Would I Lie to You?" by the Eurythmics. Needless to say it was all very theraputic and I am sure entertaining for those watching...Congratulations to Greg who won first prize in the karaoke contest with "Rock this Town" by the Stray Cats (me-ow!).

Requests anyone?

Thursday, May 12, 2005

In my garden

This year I have a beautiful new garden. My dad handcrafted a cedar picket fence to keep out the deer and varmits, and also built raised beds to make planting and weeding easier. He even built a little seat into one of the corners as well as an arch for the clematis to climb on. The children have all taken an interest and participated in the cultivating of our little sprouts of spinach, peas, pumpkins, sunflowers, tomatoes, peppers, beans and various herbs. We also have a little strawberry patch and a blueberry bush.....yummy. The weather has been great lately, so we have all been taking advantage and spending long hours out of doors. While the boys romp around the grounds, Prettiness' favorite activity is dropping stones and dirt into a bucket of water and stirring it with a spoon. Mud pies anyone?

Friday, May 06, 2005


Tonight I attended the first session of the Fresh Start Seminars for divorce recovery...

Upon entering the church building where the weekend-long seminar is being held I saw a colored paper sign pointing me in the direction I needed to go. There were other colored paper signs pointing arrows in other directions for other groups also meeting in the church. I walked up to the registration table, announced my name and was presented with a manila envelope and a workbook and directed to another table to procure my name tag. At the name tag table, the nice man pointed out where the refreshments were and I wandered, somewhat bewildered over to the spread of fruits, veggies, shrimp cocktail and deep-fried appetizers. I collected a few things to nibble on fetched a glass of water and then dread washed over me as I looked into the "fellowship hall" where multiple round tables were set up for people to sit and eat. It was the high school cafeteria on the first day of classes all over again. I scanned the room thinking, "Where should I sit? Who looks interesting? I could choose an empty table, but that looks pathetic and anti-social." I picked my way through and found a seat at a table with an even male-female ratio. Immediately "Don" introduced himself and I am struck with with the thought "Do I really need to do this again?" [I get so tired of meeting new people and making small talk, it really exhausts me. This was one of the aspects of the Women's conference that did me in...] I shared my name, and Don said, "Oh, I see you got the shrimp." "Yes," I replied not knowing what else to say, "they're enormous."

Okay, on to the business of the evening: The Stages of Divorce and Recovery

The first stage after a crisis (in this case separation/divorce) is DENIAL...denial leads to and stems from fear which in turn develops into ANGER. Next comes BARGAINING, and I wish someone had told me about this one, because perhaps I would have done some things differently. After bargaining you hit "the Pit" and DEPRESSION ensues, gradually comes ACCEPTANCE and eventually FORGIVENESS (the "F" word of divorce) and finally one is fit and able to healthfully move into a new lifestyle.

We learned that these stages aren't rigid and often times are "slippery", meaning you can slip from one stage back into a previous one within minutes, days, or weeks, and then back out again. But the key factor here is to be aware of them and not get "stuck" in any one particular stage, because that does not promote emotional healing.