Monday, January 21, 2008

why bother?

Lately I've been trying to decide if I still want to keep blogging. I feel like it's lost it's importance to me, having been replaced by, well, nothing really. I'm just not sure why I blog anymore. The reasons and motivations have changed over the past few years. Perhaps it's just a slump... or perhaps I'm just feeling like everything in my life these days is futile.... it must be the winter.

It is hard to feel motivated to do much around here, knowing that I'm the only one who will notice. Maybe I need to remind myself that I'm worth it, but it's not really that. It's not that I don't feel worthy of a clean, tidy house... it's that the work, the tiresome, repetitive work of maintenance goes unnoticed, unappreciated and only gets messed up again within minutes. Mopping the kitchen floor seems an invitation to spills, changing the bed linens seems an invitation to "accidents" in the night, putting all the toys away only stimulates more creative play at which time, everything comes back out again, and cooking interesting food just produces extra dirty dishes and frowns around the table. "Why can't we have___________ instead?"

So I push the boulder up the hill once more, only to watch it roll back down again.
After rereading that post from Christmas past, I am somewhat encouraged by my own musings and those writings I quoted in that post, and now I remember why I do this blog thing... to remind myself why I do any of it at all.

All for Jesus!
All for Jesus!
All my being's ransomed powers:
All my thoughts, and words and doings,
all my days and all my hours.*

Monday, January 14, 2008

kind of a mom

Watched "Nanny McPhee" tonight with the kiddos. And they were having some trouble understanding who the women in the household were at the beginning. Being middle class kids of the twenty first century it's hard to comprehend the idea of servants, cooks and housekeepers. It's made clear that the mom has died at the beginning of the film, which is the reason a nanny is needed, however, my children were perplexed with the roles of the scullery maid and cook. "Is she the mom?" they persisted in asking. "No," I replied, "she's a housekeeper. You know she brings out the food and cleans up." To which my daughter (age 4) responded matter of factly, "That's kind of a mom." I'm trying not to let that oversimplified job description irk me... and let it be a reminder to get my kids to help out more, especially with the cleaning up!

Sunday, January 06, 2008

A Red Door Day

Since I've been posting for a few years now, I'm sure I must have mentioned how depressing I find New Year's Eve, and just the whole New Year hubbub etc. This year isn't any exception...but I'm doing my best to fight those new year-pre-post holiday blues.
Last night was dance "therapy" and today I fought them with a very "hands on" approach. Starved for physical touch and wound tighter than a corkscrew from the stressors of single motherhood I took a "Spa Day." I thought that would be a good way to start off the year.

On my birthday a few of my friends gave me gift certificates for "spa treatments" so today I redeemed the Red Door half day of treatments that my cousin so graciously gave me. I started with a deep tissue massage (I upgraded from the "Signature Massage" which is a Swedish one, which in all honesty feels like being petted and caressed which I find a little bit creepy from a stranger) and I HIGHLY recommend it. Darlene, my masseuse, used her elbows to iron out all my kinks and recommended that I come in regularly like every 4-6 weeks for deep tissue massages, and perhaps the knots in my upper back won't get so bad. Now wouldn't that be nice? ( She worked out most of the spots, but I could have taken another 50 minutes easily.) Then a facial with Jenella ... cool name, eh? She was keen to notice my sensitive skin and was careful not to aggrevate it. She also used this tool, that kills all the bacteria on my skin with heat, I forgot what it was called, but that was a first for me and it didn't even hurt. Then on to a pedicure and manicure followed by a "complementary make-up refresher." The mani- and pedi-cures were good especially since I asked Anna the nail specialist not to cut my cuticles.... that always hurts and then stings and kind of ruins the whole relaxation experience. The color I chose for my toes, Sasha, was the same that several other women there kept choosing, I noticed this while I was waiting for my makeup. The makeup refresher was an odd experience. I've never ever had anyone apply my makeup for me, (maybe my sister did once, but I'm pretty sure she just showed me by demonstration)... anyhow, this woman had never seen me before or how I normally do my makeup and so I guess she did pretty well. I asked for a "fresh look" which to her meant lots of brown eyeshadow and pink lip gloss. She also applied some blush and mascara and lined my lower eyelids with a white liner, which I never do and I thought that it looked sort of Bambi eyed. I didn't look like a drag queen but I also didn't look like me so after I dressed I wiped about 30% of it off, blotted the gloss applied my own lip color and looked almost normal. Then I did a little shopping, got a portabella mushroom salad and tomato bisque at Donna's and came home to watch Spiderman 3.

Spiderman 3 was awesome. I wish more hero movies like that were out there. The themes of responsibility, goodness, forgiveness that are woven through the plot are classically refreshing. I know everyone has probably seen this film several times already, but this was my first viewing and it was a great movie to end a great day.