Saturday, February 26, 2005

Daily Affirmations

Remember Stuart Smalley from SNL's Daily Affirmations? Well, I think I need a little dose of "I'm good enough, smart enough and dog-gone-it people like me" these days. Sometimes the Lord surprises us in unexpected ways through unexpected means. I have expressed a little frustration with my Bible study group at times because I am finding that I come from a more reformed perspective, and the majority of the group does not. But let me add that I love these people dearly and in someways they have become a second family to me, picking me up and dusting me off and putting a loving arm around me in many subtle and overt ways. Last Monday our leader for the night had us tape a paper to our backs, and then write on at least three other people's papers one thing that we admire about that person. Having been feeling especially down on myself the past week or so, this was a very timely excercise. It wasn't hard to find things to say about the others, and when I took mine off and read it I was surprised at what it said. My paper had these words on it:

PERSERVERANCE, sincerity, loving/enduring, Rock-solid-long-lasting solid.

These are not the traits that I expected to see, but obviously this is how I impress the group, and it was encouraging to read those words. But even more than that, a little note that one of the gals had jotted off and given to me that same night really touched me. She wrote:
Dear Joyella,
I am so glad that you are a part of our group. I enjoy your sense of humor, and I am truly amazed at your strength. I always look forward to spending time with you.
That note brought a couple tears to my eyes. It was that last sentence that did it, because that is my greatest insecurity these days. Rejection is a powerful thing. It has caused me to question my self-worth, my beliefs, my values, and yet it hasn't changed who I am or that I am, because I have the peace that passes all understanding.