Another Fresh Start

I spent a good chunk of the weekend at the Fresh Start Seminars this weekend. I attended this last year and was, to put it mildly, a tad overwhelmed. It is a lot of information to absorb in a short period of time. Last year I found that I was somewhere in the vacinity of "Depression" and "Acceptance" on the slippery slope of recovery. I am glad to say that this year I find myself on the brink of the final stage of "Forgiveness". I say on the brink, because I haven't actually told M that I have forgiven him. I'm not quite there yet, but I believe that I no longer hold the wrongs he committed against me against him. Sometimes I even pray for him, although I confess it isn't on a regular basis.

So, I've been pretty busy lately. Some of you have expressed disappointment in the reduction of my posts. All I can say is, "Get a hobby people!" No, I'm kidding. I appreciate that some of you enjoy reading these bits of my thoughts and daily life. Thank you for continuing to check in.

The pace of my life recently seems to have sped up and I can hardly keep up, but I am enjoying spending more time in my sewing studio in the evenings as well as more time outdoors as the weather warms. Some of the work I have been doing is for my cousin's handbag business which I am pleased to say is growing. (Check it out, buy one for Mother's Day.) I expect that as the children get older that I will be spending even more time sewing. It is the one job that I continue to enjoy and feel I am really good at.

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

Thoughts of a lanyard

On the second Sunday of every month, my sons, instead of having regular Sunday school, attend a presentation by missionary(ies) that our church sponsors. Every time they attend this "Second Sunday" they are supposed to bring their lanyard. I think this was instituted last year sometime, and prior to the change in the regular schedule I recieved a note in the mail explaining what this "Second Sunday" was all about and to make sure my children bring their lanyards with them on that Sunday. What the heck is a lanyard? I didn't bother to look it up, probably some minor crisis erupted in the house that I needed to attend to at that very moment I read the note. My children came home from their first second Sunday with a bright yellow lanyard hanging about their necks with some laminated tags dangling at their bellies, but really I didn't know that was what that thing was called, so for a few months, being still clueless I failed to send my children to church prepared.

Last week as I rounded the exit ramp on I-83 on our way to church, I realized, "We forgot our lanyards!" but we were running late already. Upon depositing the boys in their class I had a brief exchange with another mom who also had forgotten her child's lanyard, and I admitted that had it not been for Second Sunday, I wouldn't have known what a lanyard was.

On Friday night, I spent the evening in my sewing studio working and listening to the poems of Billy Collins on a cd that I had borrowed from the library. It had been quite a while since I had laughed so heartily, but it was his poem The Lanyard which really touched me. I could easily relate to the imagery of ricocheting through the room...I've often found myself lost in the dictionary after looking up one word and then just continuing to read like it was a novel. I couldn't decide if the tears I shed while listening to The Lanyard were because of my own feeble attempts at offering my mother tokens of my appreciation, or because now I am the recipient of such things. Perhaps it is equally both.

Wanna learn how to make one like Billy's? Here's how.

Beware...

Just in case you had forgotten (as I had): The ides of March here and here .

Would you, could you, with a mouse?

While I sit here tapping away at the keyboard, there is another tapping/scratching going on in the house. No, it isn't the children, they are snuggly nestled in their beds, I believe we've got ourselves a mouse in the house. I can't be certain, since the scratching and chewing(?!) sounds seem to be eminating from the dryer duct. The really weird part is that today it was about 83 degrees and I just had the dryer going about an hour or so before I started to hear the noises. It's not like the rodent needed to warm up, it's pleasantly balmy out tonight... The real question is how to let the little critter free. It's obviously trapped in the vertical ducting. And the other questions are, how adventurous am I feeling tonight? and can I sleep with all that noise right outside my bedroom door?

In other critter creature news, today K received part II of his birthday gift from me, two Fire Bellied Toads. One is bright green and the other is brown. K hasn't named them yet, but I'm hoping he comes up with something a little more interesting than "Browny" and "Greeny", which I think he was considering on the way home from the pet shop.

Alright, I just detached the flexible ducting from the verticle tube and lowered it to a cardboard box...maybe the mouse will just crawl out now and I can set it free... I guess I have to wait this one out. I don't want it running around freely.

update: I think the mouse is actually trapped between the walls! So what now? Just let it starve to death? Gross! And I just whacked a ginormous spider that scurried by. That one was big enough to charge rent! Oh, what a night.

Seven Years Ago

Seven years ago today, I faced the closest thing to my own death in the birth of my first-born son, K. It was a fairly easy pregnancy, however towards the end there were some concerns about the level of amniotic fuid, and the large size of the baby. I needed monitering regularly for the last few weeks to make sure he wasn't under stress. My doctor decided it would be necessary to induce labor at 38 weeks (2 weeks early). I arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am eager to deliver, a little nervous about the procedure, but anxious to see and touch my son. I was hooked up to IVs, and various other equipment and then I just had to wait...the contractions would slowly increase to push the baby down and out...Twelve hours later I was told it was time to push. After three hours of pushing and complete exhaustion my son was laid on my chest, but I was too weak to support him. Then they weighed him 9lbs 5oz! It was another hour before I was "patched up" again and then I was told to try and nurse him right away, I wanted to, but wasn't sure how to do it. A nurse helped me. In the lobby many relatives were waiting to meet this new person for the first time. I wanted to sleep and not be bothered by anyone, but allowed them all to come in in groups of twos and threes. It was overwhelming. Too weak to move, I was gurneyed to the recovery room as midnight approached; I hadn't slept or had a meal for thirty-six hours and was famished. My mother procured a grilled cheese sandwich from the cafeteria which I nearly swallowed whole and after sending my newborn precious son to the nursery, promptly fell asleep until about 5:30 am. I woke with a start, panicked that I hadn't nursed him enough but when I called for him they told me he was still sleeping. I was bed-ridden, still catherterized, because the staff decided I shouldn't have to get up for a while...they were right. Moving was the most excruciating experience (worse than the labor itself) and I was petrified at the thought of sneezing or coughing. The post-natal pain gradually decreased but lasted for months.

But that was seven years ago, today I am totally healthy, and fully functional. I have a very active and healthy son who can ride a bike without training wheels, can read, write, do addition and subtraction and is creatively expressive and thoughtful. He is, and has been since his birth, an easy going, mellow child- totally worth the effort and the pain. I am tremendously thankful to God for bringing this child into my life, and for his brother and sister (and that their births were virtually effortless compared to his).

Happy Birthday, K!

Two wheels good!

Today, K finally got the bicycling thing down! We've been working at it off and on since last Spring and it's just completely frustrated him. It warmed up enough for me to actually want to be outside, and I got my bike out, filled the tires and rode around the parking lot while the boys rode their scooters and Prettiness pushed a stroller around. Without prompting, K took his bike out too and tried riding it with the kick-stand down. When I suggested I hold on to his seat and run alongside, he was hesitant. I was patiently persistent, and finally he agreed to try. Once he got moving I didn't need to hold on, but I was giving him confidence, like Dumbo's feather. After a couple minutes, K said, "I know you aren't holding on anymore," so I stopped running. Just like that, he got it. I've never seen him prouder.

Wooosh

I had a good time in Philly with Tif again. We missed the First Friday galleries, because we couldn't find a place to park that was close enough. We drove around for about an hour looking...it was really, really cold Friday night. Tif said, "The artwork is good, but it's not that good," to want to walk ten plus blocks in booger freezing cold weather. I was disappointed though, I drove up early with the sole purpose to see the galleries. Then we walked to the Standard Tap for some warming pub fare, but discovered there was an hour wait. We were too hungry to wait, so we walked over to a place called "Azure" where we ended up waiting almost an hour anyway. At least the food was really good. But we did get to meet up with a some fiber artists on Saturday and check out their wares, and I realized that I need to nurture the creative/artist part of me more. (Apparently there are lots of fun things I can make with drier lint that I never knew about.) Just being in the city helps to recharge that creative spirit within me.

crummies in our tummies

Apparently it's contagious, and even though L's fever has subsided, she's not 100%. Now I've got "it" and thought today I was on the mend, but alas...none such luck, at least not yet.

K and D have managed to entertain themselves pretty well while I am sick, and have discovered one of my favorite childhood pasttimes, playing in the woods. Today they returned from their adventures covered in mud with huge smiles on their ruddy faces. Sometimes they dig for bottles and things, today, they were stacking tires. I guess even today people use the beautiful woods as a public dumping ground.

We've found some pretty interesting things in the woods adjacent to our property. As a kid I used to play in an old rusted out VW convertible halfway down the hill. The story was that it was a getaway car for a robbery. The theives came up the driveway thinking it was a through street and when they got to the top, just gunned it into the woods. (At least that's how I remember it.) There was an old swingset, the tacky metal kind, but the ladder was procured by mom to be a climbing support for some peas or something. Many, many old milk (and other) bottles have been collected too. I like to line them up on the window ledge and let the southern sunlight dance across them.

Little Bed-Warmer

Nothing warms a bed on a cold night better than a feverish two-year old. L came home last night from her dad's with a temp over 101. So to pamper her a little, I granted her wish to sleep in my big comfy bed with me (and Pooh Bear, Doggie-dog, Meow-meow, and Bunny). There was hardly any room for me, but I managed to find a spot.

It's snowing again, just heavy flurries, no accumulation expected, and we are watching Sesame Street. I usually let the kids watch more T.V. or movies when they are ill, it's a special treat.

I'm not dissappointed to have our plans cancelled today. After a very busy week, and an even busier weekend, I'm still recooperating from all the activity.

Meltdown

Last weekend we had a small blizzard, by Thursday we were back to spring, and today most of the snow has completely melted. I'm glad I took my friend's advice and saved a dozen snowballs in the freezer, but shhhhh...it's a surprise for the kiddos.

The abrupt changes in the weather coupled with a packed week of activities and added responsibilities while my folks are away has taken it's toll on my psyche. Whew, I made it though. I'm pleased to have a chill and fun evening with the girlfriends tonight. I need to unwind.

Love Bites

Happy Valentine's Day !

I baked six dozen cookies today and yesterday to give as our "Valentines" at our home school Valentine Party this afternoon. The kids had a fun time with crafts, games and treats. I had enough cookies leftover to send some home with Chip as a thank-you for all his hard work clearing off our monstrous driveway and also take some to my friend who spontaneously invited me to dinner and blessed me with some beautiful purple Alstromerias. Not such a bad day afterall, especially considering this is one of my least favorite holidays of the year, there's just too much cultural romantic pressure. However, I am all for holidays which encourage the gifting of fine dark chocolate.

Can you dig it?

My biceps are trembling from the rigorous shovelling workout. Yesterday I spent an hour and a half clearing paths to the chicken feed (shed), chicken coop and from my door to the folks door. This way I can feed the animals without gearing up every single time. Today I was getting nevous as Chip hadn't come back yet and the trodden on places were beginning to get solid with ice. So, I tramped out with the kids and dug for about two hours. Later today, Chip interrupted nap time to tell me there was ice on the hill that the snow blower couldn't quite manage, meanwhile he had to get another part for the malfunctioning snowblower. I said to him, "If only we could redirect the energy those three guys are spending on snowboarding, we'd have this hill clear in no time." Extravert that Chip is, said something motivating, and those three highschool juniors took to helping me clearing a wide path all the way down the hill. They were even equipped with their own shovels. When Chip returned he was amazed at how much we had accomplished and he gave me the nod to go inside. To my pleasure, L was still fast asleep.

And here I sit once again contemplating dinner, and wishing I could sleep instead. Well at least I'm getting some much needed excercise. Can you guess where I'll be sitting* tonight?

* hint: it starts with "shiatsu" and ends with "chair"

It's 9 a.m. and I'm wiped out already...so far I've done this much in order to feed the animals...No more whining or I'm gonna snap. I didn't know that hard manual labor made me so grumpy with my kids. I was trying to improve my mood by singing "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength" but then L started pushing snow back into my nicely shoveled path and I became even more grouchy, and then repentant. She's trying to have fun, and I'm grouching about all the work- how like a "grown-up" to not see the fun and only the work....Well, later (after a nap?) we'll have fun making snowmen and sledding...I need to enjoy this blessing, and be thankful, not complain about it.

Diggin' Out

Well we got at least a foot of snow last night, and it's still coming down. I'm going to have to do some serious digging to get from my door to the shed and the chicken coop to feed them this a.m. I'm pretty sure that church will be cancelled, which I am grateful for (I had toddler room duty today).

It looks like mom and dad got away just in time!

It sure is beautiful though.

6"-8"

It has just started snowing. Light and soft, which from my experience means some significant accumulation. When it starts out heavy with thick, chunky flakes it is usually short lived. This week, I am queen of the hill once again. I'm queen of a blueberry bush and a cat (props to Yertle) . This means after the snow falls I may not be getting out for a while. Dad arranged for Chip to come and plow, but I didn't take any chances. I went to the crazy, madhouse of a supermarket this morning. Shopping carts were bumper to bumper in there, worse than last Saturday, the day before the "Big Game". Well, I'm stocked with winter essentials like milk, bread, popcorn, and chocolate. Let it snow!

So precious

My heart nearly burst tonight as K sang a little song to himself while I was cleaning up the dishes. It went something like this:

Whenever I need help, my mother is here
Whenever D needs help, his big brother is here to help him
My mother is always here to help me
I'm here to help my brother....

And for the Calvinists in the room:
L likes to "read the cat" (catechism). She was doing this at dinner tonight. Her favorite question (and only one she really knows) is:
#47 Whom did Christ represent in the covenant of grace?
L's answer "Lecka people" (His elect people)

My lying blogroll

I don't understand it, but my blogroll is supposed to notify me when someone has a new post...well for some it does and others it doesn't. Like one blog has been marked "new post" for several days and there isn't anything new there, while a couple others are never marked "new" even when there are new posts. Hrumph.

In other news, winter has returned. The Spring fling is over. No more 60 and 70 degree weather; flurries are scattering right now. I'm ready for Spring and warmth. My tulips are up about two inches, and yet I fear (and hope) for one more big snow. I finally bought a tobaggon, and I would like to try it with the children. However, next week is full of school events, and mom and dad will be cruising, so if we do get some accumulation, we are stuck. I'm not plowing this hill all on my own....no way.

Memory Lane

I mentioned a while back how I had gone to my 15th high school reunion and reconnected with some old friends I had known (and lost touch with) from my elementary school days. Last night I had dinner with two women, one of whom was my best friend for many years and then we gradually fell into different groups of friends, the other was her friend and coworker, a fellow single mama like myself. It was the perfect excuse to revisit one of my favorite restaurants in Baltimore, Ze Mean Bean Cafe. It was a great time of catching up and conversation, and funny to see how much (and how little) we've changed over all these years. [Melissa, you are still as cute and sweet as ever!]

My Funny Valentine

Don't forget Groundhog's day is tomorrow! Come on Spring!