Monday, January 21, 2008

why bother?

Lately I've been trying to decide if I still want to keep blogging. I feel like it's lost it's importance to me, having been replaced by, well, nothing really. I'm just not sure why I blog anymore. The reasons and motivations have changed over the past few years. Perhaps it's just a slump... or perhaps I'm just feeling like everything in my life these days is futile.... it must be the winter.

It is hard to feel motivated to do much around here, knowing that I'm the only one who will notice. Maybe I need to remind myself that I'm worth it, but it's not really that. It's not that I don't feel worthy of a clean, tidy house... it's that the work, the tiresome, repetitive work of maintenance goes unnoticed, unappreciated and only gets messed up again within minutes. Mopping the kitchen floor seems an invitation to spills, changing the bed linens seems an invitation to "accidents" in the night, putting all the toys away only stimulates more creative play at which time, everything comes back out again, and cooking interesting food just produces extra dirty dishes and frowns around the table. "Why can't we have___________ instead?"

So I push the boulder up the hill once more, only to watch it roll back down again.
After rereading that post from Christmas past, I am somewhat encouraged by my own musings and those writings I quoted in that post, and now I remember why I do this blog thing... to remind myself why I do any of it at all.

All for Jesus!
All for Jesus!
All my being's ransomed powers:
All my thoughts, and words and doings,
all my days and all my hours.*